You know the unholy dread you experience if you are desperate to use the necessary room to have a BM but you’re out in public, or at work, or at a friend’s house? How does one disguise or eliminate the resulting offensive odor? In a public restroom, courtesy flushes often aren’t quick enough or thorough enough. Eww. Open a window at a friend’s house, perhaps. If there is no window you could turn on the exhaust fan, but that’s a dead give away. Perhaps your host or hostess had judiciously placed a scented candle in the necessary room for just such an occasion. Excellent idea, if there is a match to be had. Oh, poo.
There is salvation from the torment mentioned above. Just ask the British, but be prepared to laugh. The Brits have a wonderfully dry, irreverent, off the wall sense of humor–or humour, as it were–especially when it comes to bathroom humor. Cottonelle Toilet Tissue’s clean bum/go commando commercials come to mind.
I was viewing a TV show on the BBC America cable channel when a commercial came on for the bathroom spray product VI Poo. An attractive young woman acting the part of a celebrity expounded on the virtues of this product. Whether you are a celebrity, a VIP, or an average citizen, just spray VI Poo into the porcelain throne’s bowl prior to use and you’ll leave the necessary room odor free so no one will ever suspect that you excreted stinky solid waste while answering the call of nature.
At Christmas time this past year, MG and I encountered a rival product. Annually, our Godchildren give us each a Christmas gift. Mine gave me a tin of Harry & David’s Moose Munch. Yum. MG’s gave him a spray container of Poo-Pourri, a product similar to VI Poo. I wonder if the little darling was trying to tell him something.
The label on the Poo-Pourri spray bottle contains advertising copy that is a hoot. Here are a few shameless examples.
“To own the throne, you must rule with an iron spritz.”
“Spritz the bowl before you go,
And no one else will ever know.”
“There once was a lad from Rhone
Whose odor he’d rather disown.
Now he’s taming his poo
By anointing the loo,
And now happily sits on his throne.”
The Poo-Pourri TV commercials are more shameless and more hilarious. Have a look and have a laugh, but be sure to visit the loo prior to watching lest you laugh too hard and have a lulu of a loo emergency.