Jun 022016
 

For all my life, I lived under the assumption that I was a purebred Italian. On the other hand, Macho Guy is an Irish-German-Scandinavian Heinz 57 Varieties mutt. Feeling ethnically superior, I teased MG about it for years.

Italian

During a Mediterranean cruise a number of years ago, I discovered that various ethnic groups invaded Sicily over time. Uh-Oh. My maternal grandparents were Sicilian. Chilling thoughts of uncouth invaders engaged in attacking and pillaging and raping and polluting the family bloodline made me cringe. Could it be that—no. Not going there. After all, my paternal grandparents were from Northern Italy and their bloodline—oh, wait. What about the Huns? If they–oh, no. Not going there either.

My curiosity finally got the better of me. When Christmas came around and MG begged me to give him some idea of what to get for me, I told him I would like a subscription to Ancestry.com. I immediately ordered an Ancestry.com DNA test and crossed my fingers that I’d be pleased with the result.

You may have already guessed that the DNA test result was not exactly what I expected or hoped for. Nope. Not even close. In fact, I may be even more of a mutt than MG.

I opened the email that contained the DNA test results and ethnicity estimate. My jaw hit the MacBook’s keyboard. Whoa. I was definitely not 100 percent Italian. Good grief. How was this possible?

According to Ancestry.com, my ethnicity by regions is as follows:

63 percent Italy/Greece

16 percent Middle East

06 percent Western Europe

05 percent Caucasus

04 percent European Jewish

02 percent Great Britain

plus

<1 percent Africa North, Asia South, Finland/Northwest Russia, Iberian Peninsula, and Scandinavia.

As it turns out, I was never a purebred Mafia Princess at all. I’m more like the United Nations of Me.United NationsLet’s consider the political implications here. As a presidential candidate, a multicultural mutt like yours truly would represent and appeal to more than a dozen ethnic groups. Imagine those demographics. Imagine the endorsements from every corner of the nation. Imagine the landslide victory in November!

Other ethnic candidates or wannabe ethic candidates would pale before my multicultural double helix. Take Elizabeth Warren for example. By comparison, Liz is an also ran in the DNA sweepstakes, Move over for the winner, Liz, and eat your Native American heart out when the Marine Band plays Hail to the Mutt in Chief.

What about you? Have you had your DNA tested? If so, did the results surprise you?

  • Paul Dellinger

    You would definitely get my vote this year!

    • Thank you, Paul! Given the current candidate choices we have this year, I’d probably be a shoo-in, 🙂

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