Oh, all right. I exaggerate, but not much. I took a photo of them to back up my claim.

It could be my somewhat overactive imagination, brought on from overdosing on too many classic fantasy and science fiction flicks through the years, but those tomato plants of ours bear an uncanny resemblance to the evil man-eating flora from that science fiction B-movie The Day of the Triffids.

The tomato plants have grown so huge, Macho Guy actually had to build a double rail enclosure to keep them from toppling over. MG was exasperated by this and complained that the plants behind our garage were growing taller and taller, but there were no tomatoes in sight, not even a blossom on the vines.

MG: I never should have listened to that guy.

ME: What guy?

MG: There was this guy at the greenhouse who told me I should buy some newfangled tomato plant food. He even got it off the shelf for me. Said it was the last bag.

ME: Was he one of the workers?

MG: [shaking his head] I think he was a customer. Strange looking dude. Had a weird-looking head.

ME: [wide-eyed] Weird-looking? Um, like, did he have shiny white hair and a high forehead with a deep depression in the middle of it?

MG: Huh?

ME: Oh, never mind.

I thought it best to bite my tongue and refrain from telling him that my imagination had kicked into overdrive again. You see, in that old science fiction flick This Island Earth, aliens from the planet Metaluna came to Earth in the hope of getting human scientists to find some way to save their world from being destroyed by another and more powerful alien race. If that were the weird greenhouse guy’s plan, he may have wanted us to grow giant mutant tomatoes like the ones in that comical science fiction B-Movie satire Attack of the Killer Tomatoes! so he could use them as an army to defeat his planet’s enemies. The admitted flaw in that theory was that no tomatoes, killer or otherwise, were growing at all. I came to the earthbound conclusion that the weird greenhouse worker must be human after all. Bummer.

MG’s grumbling ceased when the tomato plants began to flower, and soon afterward we spotted green tomatoes appearing here and there. Suddenly, tomatoes were everywhere and ripening with all due speed—and not one of them showed any signs of violence. Now MG is proud of the massive plants and how they are able to kick out tomatoes the way Ford Motor Company cranks out cars on its assembly lines. What’s more, our tomato plants do it without the assistance of assembly line robots.

While we both salivate over BLTs made with our tomatoes, we keep trying to increase our repertoire. We surf the net almost daily searching for new tomato recipes. Those fresh tomatoes right out of the garden are so delicious that I dread the end of the home garden growing season when we’ll be stuck having to buy taste-challenged supermarket tomatoes again. If we only had food replicators like those on Star Trek’s starship Enterprise, we could replicate tomatoes with that garden-fresh taste all year long. That would be fascinating. ::sigh::

A few nights ago, MG was inspired to try a salsa recipe he found. Very tasty—and it had quite a kick. He used two quarts of the tomatoes we picked, and we still had dozens left. We can’t use them or give them away fast enough. They continue increasing in number, like the alien pod people from Invasion of the Body Snatchers.

After our sons sent photos of their healthy-looking tomato plants to us, MG had me pose for a photo right up against our plants as a way for Firstborn and his Little Brother to gauge the plants’ approximate size. This was so MG could prove to them that his tomato plants were bigger than their tomato plants. ::groan:: Grow up, Guys. Seriously.

While I was posing for that photo, one of the tomato vines grazed my left arm in what I perceived was a menacing fashion. I envisioned having an experience akin to Dorothy’s in The Wizard of Oz when the angry apple tree slaps Dorothy’s hand because she took one of its apples without permission.

Nah. I can’t let my imagination run away with me again. This is the real world, not the world of science fiction and fantasy. Gravity was the undoubted culprit that dragged the heavy vine down onto my arm. I’m sure of it.

On the other hand, if I were a character in a science fiction B-movie, the probability would definitely exist that the tomato plant was a sentient alien, part of a sinister extra-terrestrial invasion force, and that it would issue a chilling telepathic warning to me:  Stop eating my young or die, puny Earthling.

Definitely food for thought.

For months, the Continent has been mired in a devastating war: artillery barrages lasting days, the death rattle of machine guns, toxic chemical gas, futile charges across no-man’s-land toward  enemy trenches. Caryn Hallom, the Foreign Minister of the Republic of Deugan and the first woman to have achieved such a powerful position in the fledgling democracy, is horrified that she failed to prevent the war from breaking out on her watch.

When Caryn finds herself trapped together with Michael Ravencliffe, a member of the royal family of Deugan’s main enemy in the war, she seizes on the opportunity to try to negotiate an end to the fighting. Little does she know that a new faction is about to enter the conflict, armed with a frightening magical weapon … or that it will be led by the one person on the Continent who knows the truth about Caryn’s past.

Gateways has been described as a fantasy novel that reads like historical fiction. Set in an alternate world that resembles Europe during the First World War, the novel combines geopolitics with plots, counterplots and magic, and ultimately asks the question: how far are we prepared to go for peace?

The Book Excerpt

About Brian Gottheil

I’ve been writing as a hobby since, at the age of four, I penned an epic about my then-favourite sport, the charmingly mis-spelled “baceball.” I’m more of a basketball fan these days, but I have kept up my love for writing throughout.

I live in Toronto, Canada, or as we Torontonians like to call it, “the centre of the universe.” I’m just joking about that … mostly. I’m writing a novel at the moment in which the main character hates Toronto, so that’s been a bit of a challenge. At one point she describes it as a “frenetic smogscape.” To each her own, I suppose.

In my day job, I work as a labour and employment lawyer with Bernardi Human Resource Law (visit us atwww.hrlawyers.ca). I practice labour and employment law, which I think is fascinating and covers everything from union certifications to human rights issues, employment contracts to severance packages, and court and tribunal work to harassment investigations.

Outside of work, while I’m less enamoured than I once was with “baceball,” I’ve replaced it with a hobby and passion that I find even more creative, exciting, and easy to spell: swing dancing.

The Giveaway

Jolana Malkston: Before you tell us about The Chameleon, Diane, tell us a little bit about yourself and what you write.

Diane Burton: Thanks for having me here, Jolana. I’m a Michigander who loves the seasonal changes. Just wish this past winter hadn’t been so brutal or lasted so long. I live near the Lake Michigan shoreline with my husband of over forty years. Since we’re both retired, I’m fortunate that I can write full-time now. We recently moved into a brand new house and Hubs decided to finish the basement. Alas, that means I have no office—yet. So I write on my laptop on the living room sofa. I write romantic suspense and science fiction romance.

JM: Your Switched trilogy novels [Switched; Switched, Too; and Switched Resolution] contain references to Star Trek. You’re a big fan. [Me too.] What was it about the series that captivated you?

DB: Star Trek offers a glimpse into the future where people of all races, ethnicity, and species work together in harmony. The crew of the starship Enterprise has a mission, not to go out and conquer but to discover. It’s an adventure. Star Wars appeals in the same way. Adventure. And there’s a little romance in both series.

JM: The Pilot, Book One in your Outer Rim series, appeals to Firefly fans. Are you a Browncoat by any chance?

DB: You have to ask? LOL! A few weeks ago, I admitted publicly that I have a crush on Nathan Fillion. Whether he’s Captain Mal or Rick Castle, I love his sense of humor and daring.

JM: He is fun to follow on Twitter, isn’t he? Um, we can talk about that later, Di. Now let’s get back to your new title. Yesterday, you released Outer Rim Book Two, The Chameleon. Please tell us about the characters and give us a little hint about the story—and I’m sure we’d all love to read an excerpt.

DB: Remember back in high school English class when we had to determine the theme in books? I never deliberately plan a theme. It sort of happens. The theme of The Chameleon is that people aren’t always what they seem. Thank you, Jolana, for suggesting the high concept tagline for The Chameleon—

Legally Blonde meets Mata Hari.

Amazon | Barnes & Noble {Available Soon} | Smashwords

Blurb:

Socialite Jileena Winslott has perfected the image of the spoiled, rich, bubble-headed daughter of an industrial magnate. In reality, she’s a smart, savvy aide to her father in social situations where she is his eyes and ears. She yearns to be her true self and run the family business. When her father sends her on a covert mission to the Outer Rim, she has the chance to prove herself. Big problem. He insists she take along a fake fiancé—the man she’s secretly loved for years.

Security Officer Laning Servary has better things to do than babysit a spoiled rich girl on a tour of the Frontier. If he refuses, he can kiss his career good-by. Then Jileena’s father sweetens the pot. If Laning keeps her safe, his family will receive the land they sharecrop. He can’t refuse.

In the close quarters of her ship, Laning and Jileena discover they aren’t who they seem. Pirates, weather, and her recklessness threaten to derail the mission. As Laning and Jileena revise their impressions of each other, they’ll have to make hard choices about their goals. Can their budding love survive?

Excerpt:

“The company belongs in the family,” Jileena said.

“You have to accept that your brother is dead.”

Despite her heartache, she stood in front of her father, hands on her hips, determined to bring this to a head. She’d danced around the subject long enough, dropping hints that he ignored. He may have groomed her older brother to take over, but she wasn’t going down without a fight. “I am family.”

With his trademark stare—one that made competitors back off and employees quake—he pinned her in place. “You don’t have what it takes to replace me.”

His remark sent such an arrow of hurt through her she snapped, “Neither did Konner.” The moment the words left her mouth, she wanted to retract them.

Father slumped back in his chair. The desolation in his expression broke her heart.

Immediately, she dropped to her knees in front of him. “I’m so sorry, Daddy. I shouldn’t have—”

In a gesture she remembered from childhood, he smoothed her hair away from her forehead then tipped up her chin. “What you say is true. He had no stomach for this cutthroat business. And neither do you, thank the Divine One.” He patted her head twice. “You don’t have to worry about that. Now get up. We have work to do. Plans to make.”

“Plans?”

“Baby, I’m sending you to Galeria 7 to check out this discovery.”

“To the Outer Rim?” Jileena’s jaw dropped. While her father had sent her on discreet missions before, he’d never sent her that far from the Central Planets—especially since Konner had died out on the Frontier.

“You will check the site and do your own analysis. Put that geology degree of yours into practice. If, indeed, it is high-grade lambidium, you will negotiate mining rights with the local tribe.”

“M-Me?”

He’d done it again and seemed to enjoy surprising her. She stumbled to the visitor’s chair.

“I certainly can’t send Sindaro. As soon as reporters learn he left for the Rim, rumors would fly and negotiations would fail.”

He was right about that. If secrecy was paramount, Father had to send someone whose presence was innocuous. Someone like his fluff-brained daughter.

“Discretion is imperative. No one will suspect you are going out to the Rim for anything other than a vacation.”

Hope began to trickle through her. He’d never had her negotiate anything as important as mining rights. He was giving her a chance. A chance to prove herself.

JM: The Chameleon sounds like a terrific read. What’s up next? Do you have another novel in the works?

DB: I have a contemporary mystery coming up, featuring Alex O’Hara, a female private investigator. This book will be released in late June.

JM: A female PI—that sounds intriguing. I’ll be looking forward to it. Thanks for stopping by, Diane, and I hope you’ll drop in again soon. Best wishes for success with the launch of The Chameleon.

DB: Thank you for inviting me. It’s been fun.

[ Full disclosure: Diane and I are good friends and critique partners, get each other’s off-beat sense of humor, and take great delight in breaking each other up with some of the stuff we write. ]

For more info and excerpts from her books or to connect with Diane, visit her at:

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