After the updates, FB showed us the new ins and outs of the update, including the new “Hey, Siri” feature that works when the iPhone is plugged in to a power source. FB enabled the “Hey, Siri” feature and had me talk my way through the setup so Siri would recognize my voice. Then he had me ask Siri a simple question: Where is the nearest Wal-Mart store? As I spoke, Siri printed my question on the iPhone’s screen. She told me where the nearest Wal-Mart was and also put up a list of additional nearby Wal-Marts on the screen. Then Siri politely asked if that was what I wanted. I was suitably impressed.

MG decided we should play with this new feature on the drive back home this past Monday. I plugged my iPhone’s mobile cord in and said, “Hey, Siri.”

Crickets.

Not certain that she heard me above the road noise, I repeated my greeting a bit louder. “Hey, Siri!”

Pin drop silence.

Now I was annoyed. “Hey, Siri! Wake up!!!

Sunday go to meeting silence.

MG suggested that yelling at her wouldn’t help. I don’t know why not. MG yells at inanimate objects—like the TV—all the time, and it seems to work for him.

We both put on our thinking caps to puzzle out why “Hey, Siri” worked at FB’s house but not in our car. It didn’t make sense.

ME: I had to use my passcode before we could enable “Hey, Siri” so maybe I have to do that and unlock my iPhone first.

MG: Doesn’t that defeat the purpose? You’re supposed to be able to use it hands-free.”

ME: Right, but let’s see what happens when I unlock it…Here goes…Hey, Siri.

Siri’s screen appeared along with a ding-ding sound.

ME: It works when it’s unlocked.

MG: That doesn’t help. Try it again when it’s locked.

ME: [locking phone] Hey, Siri.

Nothing. Nada. Niente.

MG: [expletive deleted]

ME: There must be something I’m not doing right. I just don’t know what it—wait a minute. I just remembered something.

MG: What?

ME: A while back, there was a notice about someone being able to use your iPhone when locked without knowing your passcode if they activated Siri.

MG: So?

ME: We were advised not to allow access to Siri when the phone is locked to prevent that, and I changed the setting.

MG: Then change it back.

I went into my settings to allow Siri access when the phone is locked, and then I held my breath. This had better work or MG would absolutely turn the air blue again. My delicate ears were not looking forward to another assault on their sensibilities.

ME: Hey, Siri.

Ding-ding!

ME: Yes!

MG: Okay. Ask her something.

ME: What?

MG: Ask where the next rest area is.

ME: Okay….Hey, Siri. Where is the next rest area on Interstate 77 North?

SIRI: I found a Holiday Inn Express, a Fairfield Inn, and a Motel 6 nearby. Would you like to call one of those?

ME: No.

MG: [expletive deleted] Those aren’t rest areas.

ME: I know. Apparently, Siri doesn’t.

So I tried differing versions of rest area: rest stop, interstate rest stop/area, etc. Nothing worked. Siri continued to recommend various lodgings. I refused to give up.

ME: Hey, Siri. Find the nearest interstate restroom facilities.

SIRI: Sorry, I don’t see any public toilets nearby.

ME: [groan]

MG: I don’t think she knows where the [heck] we are.

ME: Let’s find out…. Hey, Siri. Where am I?

SIRI: You are in Parkersburg, West Virginia.

Whoa! We were actually passing the Parkersburg exit.

ME: Halleluiah! She got that one right.

MG: Big deal.

ME: Baby steps, Honey. Baby steps. Let’s give it time. She’ll learn, and so will we.

I hope.